Archive for January, 2009

Joan Herlong

Often wrong, never in doubt

by Joan Herlong

No Comments    |   Email to Friend    |   Print    |   RSS 2.0
Jan
30

Published in the January 30, 2009 Journal

When your youngest is 16, and more or less the only one left at home, “Life in the Slow Lane” isn’t as fitting as it once was. 

I’m still free to opine on issues relating to family and my Reason for Living, but now that my interaction with “the baby” is limited to texting, voice mails, eye rolling, and her running commentary on my general lameness, I have more time to contemplate other things. 

My youngest wants me to devote more time to things other than her academic and moral development, but I’m not turning in my Mom Card any time soon.

Still, “Often Wrong, Never in Doubt” is a far better fit now. It’s pretty much our family motto, but we’re open to licensing it out to various political parties and churches.

I’ve tried to have “Often Wrong, Never in Doubt” translated into Latin for our family crest, but the ancient Romans weren’t into irony so much, at least not on paper, so it doesn’t translate literally.

Which makes me wonder if biblical authors, like Saint Paul and those fun-loving Ephesians, for example, were actually being ironic, much more of the Bible may have been lost in translation than we can imagine.

That could mean that I’m not supposed to feel bad about not being submissive to My Reason for Living after all. 

But I digress.

Doubt is ironically underrated, because it makes the world go round.  Without doubt, we’d have a king instead of a new president. 

Without doubt, Martin Luther would not have reformed anything more significant than his sock drawer, and we’d be reselling indulgences on eBay. 

Without doubt, there would be no schools of journalism, just reams of press releases. Without doubt, all marriages would be arranged (but then we’d have something legit to blame our parents for).

Without doubt, we’d have no recessions, no booms, just one perpetual Ponzi scheme. Without doubt, we would have no court system, only ceremonial coin tosses. 

Which reminds me, there’s one court here that often amounts to that very thing, but at least it’s an equal opportunity employer.  If you’re over 21, have a high school diploma or a GED, you too can be appointed as a judge in magistrate’s court. 

You’d decide disputes up to $7,500, and you don’t have to know bupkus about state law.  You don’t even have to be a lawyer.  If there’s a local opening, and you’re on a state senator’s Nice List, you could be appointed by our governor to a four-year term earning way more than you’d otherwise ever get with a GED. 

And, you get to be called Judge. Even better, you automatically get an annual raise.  (Magistrate salaries are not on JournalWatchDog.com, but no doubt they will be soon.)

Wanna be a judge?  Go ahead, suck up to a senator.  The lines at DMV are now shorter, but Magistrate Court isn’t in the sights of our reform-minded governor. 

There’s a 13-member advisory committee including representatives from education, law enforcement, plaintiff attorneys, defense lawyers, solicitors, USC law school, House and Senate judiciary committees, and other folks promoting something more than kangaroo litigation.

This committee makes an annual recommendation to the Supreme Court regarding eligibility, certification, and continuing education requirements for magistrates. 

They’ve been getting together for years… with no change in sight. There’s certainly no pending announcement about requiring magistrates to have a law degree or something off the wall like that. 

This advisory committee needs a Doubting Thomas on it.  (I’m a girl, but I’m available.)  As long as I keep my sarcasm in check, it could translate to improvements in our magistrate courts that could reach biblical proportions. 

But I doubt that’s going to happen any time soon, so apply now.  In this economy, amazing jobs like this shouldn’t remain such a well-kept secret.

Bookmark and Share
Susan Simmons

The quest for a simple life

by Susan Simmons

No Comments    |   Email to Friend    |   Print    |   RSS 2.0
Jan
2

Printed: 1/2/09

Janus, the Roman god after whom January is named, personified change, transitions and beginnings in Roman minds. Consequently, he had two faces gazing in opposite directions, so he could look backward and forward in equal measure.

Which defines, of course, what we all do at the beginning of a new year; what all the top-10 lists of trends, innovations, newsworthy events and predictions are all about. We review what humankind has accomplished, for good or ill, and attempt to foretell where our talents for both will carry us in the future.

It can be a sobering exercise, perhaps more so as 2009 peeks over the horizon than it has been for many Januarys past.

Our national talent for foolishness, recklessness and greed has ushered in an economic crisis of frightening proportions as venerable institutions topple and government relief packages of $800 billion-plus are described – by straight-faced transition teams – as “fiscal restraint.”

South Carolina’s unemployment rate is third highest in the nation, prompting the governor and Legislature to escalate the finger-pointing over who’s responsible and why. State budgets have been slashed and services cut. Greenville’s Salvation Army chapter ran out of toys – with 500 children still on the list – the week before Christmas, after already playing Santa for 1,200 children.

But flip the Janus coin to the other face and you’ll see hope as well. Americans are a resilient people. Desperate times often breed the best ideas – and the most productive changes, both individually and corporately.

Such are the conclusions we can draw from the 2009 predictions of long-time trend forecaster Faith Popcorn and her marketing consultancy firm BrainReserve.

Popcorn foresees a year of “fear, anxiety and uncertainty” in 2009, yes, but with it, “a new frugality movement” she says will usher in a new set of values for the next generation.

She calls the coming sea-change the Four New Rules of Engagement: reclaim, retrench, reset and reinvent.

As for the first, she says look for the death of the consumer and the rise of the citizen, with “reliability” and “accountability” the new watchwords of the age. Fully 53 percent of the 1,011 Americans her firm polled this fall reported that they evaluate a company’s ethics before purchasing its products, and 65 percent do so before investing.

Americans also are cutting back and staying home, Popcorn says. Four out of five report buying less stuff, and 72 percent say they’re spending more time at home. If prices rise, they’ll cut back more.

Nearly everyone BrainReserve surveyed – 90 percent – are looking for ways to live a simpler life. Three out of five say they’re turning to their faith for strength in tough times. They’re questioning personal career satisfaction and goals, and rediscovering American ingenuity.

That means more bartering, swapping, haggling and re-using, Popcorn says. Quality over quantity. Bar sales are down; Madison Avenue is empty. People are re-examining what matters and acting accordingly.

Not a bad way to start a new year, not bad at all. Desperate times can be good times if they teach important truths, chief of which is this: what we do, what we choose, matters.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow,” Albert Einstein once said. Wise advice, indeed, in 2009.

Bookmark and Share