Excuse me?

By Cindy Landrum  

APRIL 24, 2011 2:22 p.m. (1)

Emily Post has been dead for half a century and some say good manners died along with her.

But Sybil Davis, a graduate of the Protocol School of Washington and professor of hospitality arts at the Culinary Institute of the Carolinas at Greenville Tech, said proper etiquette and proper manners are more important than ever.

Davis will present three programs on etiquette at Upstate Spice of Life show at the Carolina First Center on April 29 and 30.

“There is not enough of that in this society,” said Jacqui Bomar, president of JBM & Associates and organizer of the Upstate Spice of Life show.

Bomar said the show is all about making a better life and to her that means choosing better foods, cooking healthy, slowing down and enjoying your food and the time spent with family and friends.

And knowing how to act at a dinner party, a tea party or in a business situation is part of that, she said.

“A lot of people just haven’t been trained,” she said.

Davis thinks she knows why. Etiquette was taught at home, but today’s parents are working so many hours to make ends meet, that it leaves little time for family sit-down dinners and the table manners training that went with them.

In addition, television has so many programs where manners are not a priority, blurring the difference between what’s the norm and what’s for ratings or laughs.

And, then, there’s the popularity of fast-food restaurants and the informal atmosphere that has led to elbows and arms on the tables, slurped drinks and way-too-loud conversations.

“Etiquette is lacking today, but I think we can do something about it,” she said. “It’s a general respect for other people.”

And that means not talking with a mouth full of food or chewing like a cow.

“That’s just not appetizing,” she said.

Many employers take prospective employees out to lunch when considering them for a position or a current employee for a promotion, Davis said. That’s mainly to check out their manners, she said.

“If you’re nice to me and rude to the wait staff, that tells them a lot about a person,” she said. “The way an employee behaves is reflective of the whole company.”

That means using the proper utensils – generally working from the outside in, Davis said.

Waving a fork in the air during the conversation should also be avoided, she said.

“It’s probably been in a person’s mouth so what they’re doing is waving bacteria around in the air,” she said. Not to mention there’s always the chance of flicking a piece of food that was stuck between the prongs into somebody’s face. “People tend to look at the fork instead of the person having the conversation.”

If somebody doesn’t like the food, Davis said they should push it around the plate and make brilliant conversation, but the conversation should never include disparaging remarks about what’s on the plate.

“We don’t want to call attention to ourselves and that will,” she said. But it’s perfectly OK to make positive comments about a menu item, she said.

And Davis said there’s a proper way to eat soup as well as a proper way to handle the napkin.

With the soup, never blow on it if it’s too hot. And using a soup spoon – usually found on the far right of the place setting – spoon the soup away from you instead of shoveling it toward your face. Then sip the soup. When finished, put the spoon on the back of the plate beneath the bowl.

The napkin should be placed in the lap as soon as you are seated, but don’t unfold it all the way. Instead, it should be folded in two so the other side can be used to blot the mouth, Davis said.

If a person gets up from the table but is coming back, the napkin should not be placed on the table. Instead, it should be folded loosely on the seat, arm of the chair or the back of the chair.

When finished eating, the napkin should be placed on the table on the left side of the place setting.

“Never on the plate,” she said.

That pinky extended when you drink tea? Nope, says Davis. At one time, people used to eat with the hands instead of utensils. The more refined people got, the fewer fingers they used to eat.

Instead, the pinky finger should be wrapped around the bottom of the cup, she said. While drinking tea, people should look down into the cup rather than over it, she said. And people should never stray far from their saucer, she said.

“Granted, no one’s going to be arrested, but it’s not appropriate,” Davis said.

Ball caps should be removed in restaurants, even fast-food places like McDonald’s, Davis said.

While among friends, dining is more relaxed, but good manners should still be used.

“If you don’t, you lose track of right and wrong,” she said. “But you don’t want to come across as an etiquette snob.”

And handshakes are important, she said.

The proper business handshake has the right hand extended with the “web” slightly spread out between the thumb and forefinger. That allows the hands to go “web to web” and not have the handshake stop at the fingertips.

“A weak fingertip handshake can cause people to judge you as weak,” she said. “You want a firm handshake, but no bone crushers.”

Etiquette is not as gender-related as it used to be, Davis said. It’s OK for a woman to extend her hand to a man now and a woman can hold the door open for a man instead of standing and waiting for him to open the door for her. It’s now proper for a woman to place her own order in a restaurant.

But one thing hasn’t changed – the importance of old-school good manners.

“A lot of college graduates are under the impression that having a college degree and the skills necessary will get them hired,” she said. “But that’s not true. You must be that total package. There’s a lot of competition out there. You have to outclass the competition.”

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Allen Evans  - Development Director   |2011-04-25 07:20:12 Thank you for printing this. We were given a professional presence class when I worked for Citibank and I can't tell you how much the things learned there (and covered in your article) have helped me over the years. Especially in the interview process. Great article! Reply

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