Posts Tagged ‘Susan Simmons’

Susan Simmons

Not a shopaholic

by Susan Simmons

No Comments    |   Email to Friend    |   Print    |   RSS 2.0
Dec
3

I have a confession to make. I have not yet begun to shop.

I know, I know, I’m way behind, especially considering that this Black Friday was expected to “surpass every Black Friday in the history of America,” according to the predictions of consumer behavior analyst Britt Beemer of America’s Research Group.

Alas, the day’s sales figures did not quite climb to those historic heights, though Black Friday 2010 did surpass Black Friday 2009 by 0.3 percent.

But I found inspiration in Britt Beemer’s over-the-top optimism, considering what the last couple of years have been like. Maybe he’s right; maybe the darkest days are finally behind us. Maybe the traffic jams around the malls, the lines at the cash registers, the hundredth repeat of “Jingle Bell Rock” should all be embraced rather than avoided.

So I have gathered up the catalogs and circulars and begun making lists and mulling options. When I venture out, very soon, maybe even this weekend, it will be with cheery anticipation of long lines and no parking.

Just as I hope you have been anticipating this year’s collection of “quotable quotes” from South Carolina and beyond. We have a bumper crop, so please enjoy this quote-lover’s personal list of the wittiest, weirdest, blindest and wisest sayings of 2010.

First up are a trio of animal-related metaphors gleaned by the Greenville News:

* “I want to be sure we’re all fed out of the same trough.” – state Sen. Jake Knotts, on his demand that a bill intended to help Greenville-Spartanburg Airport lure Southwest Airline include a $10 million earmark for Columbia Airport

* “Quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed … They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that.” – Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, explaining his opposition to giving free school meals to poor children

* “We’re like the dog that finally caught the 18-wheeler. You go, ‘Now what?’” – Bev Griffin, of the Greenville Scottish Games, on learning that His Royal Highness Prince Edward would be attending the 2010 Games

Next are two self-explanatory quotes from the Associated Press:

* “We just want the public to understand that we’re not perverts.” – TSA airport screener Ricky D. McCoy

* “If you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested.” – airport patron John Tyner when told he must undergo an individual pat-down

Next is a top winner in the “about time” category:

* “We have to agree to generate sources of jobs, so that these people who are coming from the United States can find some kind of employment in our country.” – Mexico Rep. Ramirez Acuna, regarding Mexican citizens returning to Mexico after the passage of Arizona’s illegal immigration law

Followed by three gems from my favorite unknown Greenville News headline writer:

* “Wider road called too narrow a solution”

* “Golfers get new sock option” (about the launch of a new high-tech golf sock)

* “Upstate drivers have unfair share of wrecks” (and our fair share would be…?)

And finally, four quotes referencing South Carolina’s latest contribution to America’s entertainment, U.S. Senate candidate Alvin Greene:

* “This is what would happen if Spike Lee remade a Frank Capra movie.” – Democratic Party Chairman Dick Harpootlian to the LA Times

* “There’s this image of us being the whoopee cushion of the nation, and we continue to exacerbate that.” – State Rep. Anton Gunn to Politico.com

* “South Carolina politics has become the car wreck on the American political highway. The public can’t help but slow down and rubberneck.” – Winthrop University professor Scott Huffmon, also to Politico

* “I was born to be president. I am the greatest person who ever lived.” – Alvin Greene to the Associated Press, regarding his future plans

Now there’s some over-the-top optimism for you. May we all greet our dreams with such confidence in 2011.

Bookmark and Share
Susan Simmons

Hello Harry Potter

by Susan Simmons

No Comments    |   Email to Friend    |   Print    |   RSS 2.0
Jul
17

“It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.”

So said headmaster Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter in the first book of the fantasy series that has gripped Muggle imaginations for a dozen years.

The quote returned to me two weeks ago as I stood captive in line at Universal Orlando, waiting for admission to the brand new Wizarding World of Harry Potter. On opening day. For seven and a half hours. With 30,000 other insane people.

That’s my crowd estimate. Universal wouldn’t give out attendance numbers to the media, but a spokesman guesstimated 5,000 waiting outside the Islands of Adventure gates when they opened at 9 a.m.

Sounds about right. We spent two hours with that group, listening to stories about the even more insane people who had shown up even earlier. As in 4 a.m. Which, despite the entreaties of the younger of our two sons, his father and I refused to do. Insanity has its limits.

Of course, your limit probably extends to avoiding such lunacy altogether. So does ours. But we booked our vacation believing “spring opening” meant “by the end of May” (how I define spring) rather than “two days short of summer solstice,” which is how Universal defines it. We thought Harryworld would be flying at full phoenix by the time we arrived. As it turned out, we had to stay over a day to make the opening.

Which was non-negotiable. From Harry’s inaugural quest for the Sorcerer’s Stone, we have read every book aloud as a family. The four of us on the couch. One million words, 4,143 pages, with voices (I do a mean Delores Umbridge). We’ve seen every movie. We couldn’t miss Hogwarts, butterbeer and Ollivander’s by a day.

So we rose at 6 a.m., loaded backpacks with water and sunscreen and set off for Harry Potter and the Endless Line.

I have never experienced anything like that line. It began at the Port of Entry and snaked completely around the park: through Superhero Island, around the Toon Lagoon, past Ripsaw Falls and all the way across Jurassic Park before we reached Harryworld. We inched along, literally. Five steps and wait. Eight steps and wait. For seven and a half hours.

It sounds psychotic now, but there gets to be a doggedness about it. You tell yourself, “You’ve put in this long, are you gonna quit now?” You become new best friends with the people around you, sending scouting parties for sustenance, sharing sunscreen, saving places for shade breaks. I learned about the entire senior year of the two Texas girls in front of us, their college plans and life ambitions for the next 30 years.

We took pictures all around when we finally reached the entrance.

And we did finally reach the entrance – at 2:45 p.m., staggering with a cheer through the archway onto the cobblestone streets of J.K. Rowling’s imagination come to life. It is every bit as spectacular as any Potter fan could dream. High-pitched, snow-covered rooflines, crooked chimneys, Honeydukes, the Three Broomsticks and towering over it all, the spooky turrets of Hogwarts.

And more lines, of course. An hour for butterbeer. Two hours to get in and out of Honeydukes. An hour and a half wait to ride the Forbidden Journey through Hogwarts castle. Interestingly, as jam-packed as it was, people were astoundingly forbearing and polite. Mainly because we were all too busy staring around slack-jawed. It felt that real, 100-degree Florida heat and all.

“Was it worth it?” we asked the boys on the way back to the hotel. Absolutely, they said, with the same look in their eyes I’d seen all those hours we’d piled together on the couch, caught up in Rowling’s sweeping tale of courage and friendship, danger and sacrifice. And frankly, for that, what’s Harry Potter and the Endless Line but another grand family adventure?

Bookmark and Share